Ok Cupid…
Has anyone ever heard of Ok Cupid? I hadn’t really to be honest with you. But some girl sent me an invitation and I thought, what the heck?! Why not. I specifically set my orientation to gay (there isn’t a lesbian option… Just straight, gay, bisexual… I’ll get a screenshot of that actually). This way, I reckoned it would keep kinky old perverts away. Any guy who did decide to converse with me would be one purely looking for friendship or a laugh… Or suggesting that he could change me, to which I would respond that I’ve slept with men and there’s a reason I don’t anymore. And so it was done. As predicted, very few guys popped up. 
. There’s one guy I regularly talk to. He tried ot tell me he could change me and I gave him the automatic response to which he laughed and said he loved feisty lesbians – they make the best of friends. So that was that… Until. Yes, there is ALWAYS an until. For whatever reason, my truely bisexual self changed my preference to bisexual. This was because of some guy I was seeing at the time seeing my profile and being like ‘So you’re gay? so what you doing with me..’ Blah, blah, blah. This is when it all went a tad bit wrong.
Enter stage – Caster Trash … Why would you call yourself trash – then again I’ve seen his profile… Not much of a looker. [Beauty is in the eye of the beholder people...] I’ve screenshot the inbox messages because I was that stunned that someone oculd take rejection so badly. It’s as if he wants to insult me, but then keep me onside by talking about how I hate Lord of the Rings (it’s on my profile) and how I’d rather watch back to back Harry Potter movies. I also mentioned that sometimes I wished I was a vampire. There’s skin alwas looks so perfect in the films, always so majestic, head to toe in this gothic yet stylish and pretty oldschool black clothing. The foreign places they visit, Transylvania, Bucharest (Romania). Its just all so captivating. Now you’ve got all the extra bits of information just read.
http://www.fileden.com/files/2008/7/12/2000670/caster%20trash%20conversation.bmp
I did Biology at AS-Level, which I dropped due to a French lady who taught me. I didn’t drop because hse was French – I dropped it because she barked insults at students from across the room – in French, lost her temper – in French, and even started teaching us Biology – in French. Child, I don’t speak french. You are a french student teacher who has been given her first class on her first trip to England. When in Rome do as the Romans. When in England do as the Chavs do. It’s not difficult. But that isn’t whay I mentioned it.
If there is anyone who has studied Biology at A-Level or above, just go through my last message and tell me all the flaws of my arguement, as well as any strong points. Much appreciated. x
Smokeyy xo
Add comment August 31, 2009
Ella
I’m forever blowing bubbles…
WEST HAM 3 – MILLWALL 1
Pretty bubbles in the air…
My eyeballs have pretty much been glued to this here computer screen. Why oh why I hear you scream out. West Ham vs Millwill I respond. There no competition really… Millwall rarely beats West Ham at home, and even if they were to, they’d probably boast to much and all get fucked up after the game… Just because we live in the proximity of the place, doesn’t mean we’re all Green Street hooligans – apart from when Millwall are around – we support local teams. The rival of the local team is our rival
He’s sitting there… Bobby Moore stand, oblivious to how much I’m worrying. He tends to get in fights that aren’t necessarily his to fight in… And this would be the perfect place for him. I just hope he’s with the fighter – not the lovers. I doubt he is though. The lovers are those he seems to have the closest bonds with… although he is close to a few, vaguely fit, fighters.
I just don’t want him to get himself hurt. It’s his birthday tomorrow and I already have a bombshell to drop. I’m not going to Thorpe Park with him and his boys. I just can’t. He began losing his temper a few weeks ago. You know, feeling comfortable enough around me, now, to let me see that he’s not amused – not even slightly. He asked me how I could be so normal? I was in a time of crisis and he just couldn’t understand how I could bust jokes and act normal. I simply told him this was one of our problems and me not being ”normal” and taking it all out on Tony (a lover, not a fighter) wouldn’t be fair. I feel that I will soon be using his own words against him. How can I be normal with that hanging over me… Fully aware of what Thursday symbolises… something I don’t want to do, but will, for him, but he won’t even be there cuz he’ll be too busy nursing his hangover from the night before. Obviosuly I cannot complain about that to the extent that I would LOVE to. It’s his 18th – I can’t windge. But… I can still throw a strop, still be emotional and still be me – ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS in EVERYTHING I DO 
…
Did I mention I’m slowly falling, dropping crahsing.. no? He doesn’t need to know that….
I’m forever blowing bubbles, Pretty bubbles in the air, They fly so high, They reach the sky, And like my dreams they fade and die, Fortunes always hiding, I’ve looked everywhere, I’m forever blowing bubbles… Pretty bubbles in the air…. LET’S GO FUCKING MENTAL! ♫
Smokeyy xo <3
Add comment August 25, 2009
Ella
Tags: air, and, blowing, bubbles, die, dreams, fade, fly, forever, green street, high, home, home team, hooligans, i'm, in, like, millwall, my, pretty, reach, rivals, sky, so, support, the, they, thorpe park, upton park, west ham, whufc
I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles…
WEST HAM 3 – MILLWALL 1
Pretty bubbles in the air…
My eyeballs have pretty much been glued to this here computer screen. Why oh why I hear you scream out. West Ham vs Millwill I respond. There no competition really… Millwall rarely beats West Ham at home, and even if they were to, they’d probably boast to much and all get fucked up after the game… Just because we live in the proximity of the place, doesn’t mean we’re all Green Street hooligans – apart from when Millwall are around – we support local teams. The rival of the local team is our rival
He’s sitting there… Bobby Moore stand, oblivious to how much I’m worrying. He tends to get in fights that aren’t necessarily his to fight in… And this would be the perfect place for him. I just hope he’s with the fighter – not the lovers. I doubt he is though. The lovers are those he seems to have the closest bonds with… although he is close to a few, vaguely fit, fighters.
I just don’t want him to get himself hurt. It’s his birthday tomorrow and I already have a bombshell to drop. I’m not going to Thorpe Park with him and his boys. I just can’t. He began losing his temper a few weeks ago. You know, feeling comfortable enough around me, now, to let me see that he’s not amused – not even slightly. He asked me how I could be so normal? I was in a time of crisis and he just couldn’t understand how I could bust jokes and act normal. I simply told him this was one of our problems and me not being ”normal” and taking it all out on Tony (a lover, not a fighter) wouldn’t be fair. I feel that I will soon be using his own words against him. How can I be normal with that hanging over me… Fully aware of what Thursday symbolises… something I don’t want to do, but will, for him, but he won’t even be there cuz he’ll be too busy nursing his hangover from the night before. Obviosuly I cannot complain about that to the extent that I would LOVE to. It’s his 18th – I can’t windge. But… I can still throw a strop, still be emotional and still be me – ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS in EVERYTHING I DO …
Did I mention I’m slowly falling, dropping crahsing.. no? He doesn’t need to know that….
I’m forever blowing bubbles, Pretty bubbles in the air, They fly so high, They reach the sky, And like my dreams they fade and die, Fortunes always hiding, I’ve looked everywhere, I’m forever blowing bubbles… Pretty bubbles in the air…. LET’S GO FUCKING MENTAL! ♫
Smokeyy xo <3
Add comment August 25, 2009
Ella
Tags: air, and, blowing, bubbles, die, dreams, fade, fly, forever, green street, high, home, home team, hooligans, i’m, in, like, millwall, my, pretty, reach, rivals, sky, so, support, the, they, thorpe park, upton park, west ham, whufc
Three In One
First Off: Ramadan
Just a quick note to all the Muslims in the World, bidding you a great Ramadan. I hope you’ve all got the strength and willpower that will allow you not only to purify your bodies and your minds but also your souls and your spirituality. Lord knows some of my acquaintances need to be strapped to a bed and have their legs permanently stitched together… but enough of the vulgarity around texts of faith, regardless of if I follow this faith inparticular.
Next
Tomorrow is my ultimate moment of truth. Tomorrow, the beginning of the rest of my life starts. Truesay, exam results came out on Thursday 20th, and that really should’ve been the key point in my life. But it wasn’t quite. I mean, going to Univeristy is osmething I’ve wanted to do from when I was old enough to understand the benefits of it. I’m an ambitious person – I’ve got big plans for myself and my family… my kids of the future and the husband that so stereotypically and uncontroversially fits into this master plan. However, before Miss Independent even gets a taste of the £50,000 per annum pay check I should soon be coming into receipt of, I have a slight obstacle… a potential stone on my feeble trains track… and it must be removed. Or side tracked. Or just temporarily pocketed until the time when I need to be derailed – if a train EVER needs to be does need to be DERAILED.
Third and Finally…
Let go of your lost loves… They will only hold onto you, in essences, and such the colour and what little positivity you have remaining heart shaped glasses. Still being in love with someone 3 months after a break up is fine… everyone experiences that – Don’t let anyone force you out of love yet… But sweetheart, you were never in a relationship with him, you never kissed, never touched, [excuse the vulgarity] never even fucked… and 3 years down the line YOU STILL LOVE HIM – Sad bastards…
I let something go, and it came back to me… Learned to be patient… Learned to think with my head – Not just my heart… Learning is good… for knowledge is power… He’s like my library… He keeps me powerful <3
Add comment August 23, 2009
Ella
Tags: boyfriend, derailed, faith, glasses, heart, lost love, love, muslim, patient, purity, ramadan, reliable, shaped, spirituality, train
